Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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