Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
