Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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