Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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