I just saw a hot homeless man
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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