my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
