The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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