Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
