dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
