I am puke
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
