I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
