he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
