porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Randomize
