My liver just broke up with me...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They took my balls.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
