either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
