my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
