Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
