You're my little dorito
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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