mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
