Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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