I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sorry my hands just texted you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
