cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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