I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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