what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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