Someone shit on the floor
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Your penis caused this!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
