i'm signing you up for texting rehab
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
