I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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