After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
