Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
