I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
