My sheets look like a crime scene.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't think brook has ever known best
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
