Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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