I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
