i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
