Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
