I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
