vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just pee around me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
