My brain says no but my pants say off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
