well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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