i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I want a musical about memes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
