Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
