So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
