My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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