VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
