I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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