i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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