If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
