You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
