Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
