how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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