Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
