Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
