your parents love me but you hate me
"it" just moved
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
