So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
