I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm like, not good at living.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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