I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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